Are you sure you want to be yakuza?

Ohrid Boiler room ?

Yeah, I spent last several days in Ohrid with Scot and Gricko and it was great time visiting some people that we know, discovering new Irish pub  but also spying the land for the boiler room idea.
Scot came with this idea some weeks ago and it’s growing beyond just a good idea, we can sense God in to all of this.
The idea is starting a boiler room in Ohrid after Scot and Misty spend a year at a boiler room that Markus is leading, get in to Transit school, and than start that in Ohrid. And the place is perfect for this kind of things.
It is a town with reach history, there was University found by St.Klement with 3000 students 200 years before the university in Bologna, the monasteries around were rich learning and spiritual centers. We met one local philosopher who tour us around historical places, and it was so special when he was explaining some of the old Christian symbols and how the early Christians found Christ in everything (not in a pantheistic way that everything is God but that you can see him in everything) and how they lived in harmony with the nature, things that we, 21-th century digitals need to rediscover.
It’s a perfect place for mission, three months of intense tourism makes this place one of the most strategic place in Macedonia, and contemplation, the slow pace of life and breathtaking nature through the rest of the year make it a place where someone can in combination with discipline and communal life be transformed in to a spiritual giant.

one punk under God

Muse - Showbiz

Jack Bauer rulz!!!!

If you have chance to watch this episodes, do it. It’s the best thing I have watched for years and all those statements that you will read on the cover of other DVD’s how suspense is this or that movie can be flushed in the toilet. 24 is the definition of suspense.It’s real art to make 24 episodes that keeps you biting your finger nails. There’s great insight into leadership, and you can learn a lot how can ego and arrogance blur you for the right decisions.
Scot and Misty have the season four and they can be your official dealers, but when you get addicted and feel the first signs of withdrawal, please don’t cry, there are others in your shoes too :)

To blog or not to blog?

It was a while since I haven’t written anything on my blog, which gives you time to consider why am I doing the things I’m doing. This past year and so was an amazing time of bloging journey, and I went through many phases of what this is.
Someone can say it’s a freedom of speech, so anyone can write whatever he/she likes, and I can say yes on that. We are all individuals and anyone should express on their way. It was a journey to me, from the highlands of happy moments, highroads of traveling, valleys of sorrow, deep moments, shallow moments, pure fun, boredom, I was naked (not in a literal sense) and vulnerable to that point that I have considered deleting the post next day. To come to my point--- I see bloging as a great tool to stay in touch with people, get in to their lives and they into mine, it is a wonderful medium of self expression and connection, but there is a thing that really start bothering me, and it is concerning those that I know personally but this concern can be applied universally. What bothers me is why we are not so real in our real lives and relationships, why is so easy to be honest when you are alone in front of your "radioactive" screen, why is so easy to express yourself, but when we come together we have so little to say, so many shallow words and acts, so much afraid of each other, so afraid to be who we are. Our posts scream for intimacy, acceptance and real friendship, but after all it’s secure in front of the screen, right??!!
Friends it is a global alienation of persons, more and more are searching for their intimacy in one small modem where we can be who we like to be, no one sees our eyes, and this post is not against bloging nor limiting our freedom of speech and expression, but a call to come out of our worlds, to start building friendships, to be who we are made by God, to laugh and cry, to be strong .to be vulnerable and after all TO BE REAL!!!!!

Stoned reporter

Check this out, whenever you are depressed watch it and you will immediately come out of it…..

Info

Ok I left my job, moving from apartment in to my small house that I have been renovating this past 10 days, several days left to the 24-7 conference in London, I will try to be more on the blog but I don’t have internet at my new place so will see...
Among many sheets of paper on which I write my thoughts I found this one while I was moving.

I said to myself, I will stop dreaming about real love, I will meet my needs.
And I stuck a knife into my heart.
I have killed myself

oooops

i tried to change the template and have erased the links, i'll add them as soon as possible. cheers

Thrilled, sad and challenged

Hey my friends, after two weeks in Ohrid we are back with the post-ohrid depressed syndrome :) Why? Well we lived, eat, swim, get mad together, we met new and old friends, hang out, drink bear and suddenly again alone in our apartments, it get's your mood down. There were great times in Ohrid, the 24-7 team was awesome, we functioned great, time spent with people was deep, alpha course went well; we are planning to go more frequently to Ohrid this year and start with the group of people that we know. In meantime I didn’t accomplish to get visa for Germany because I didn’t get the invitation letter on time (It get lost or something) which saddens me, for I wanted to meet all those great people to dream together, but there are some great news, Scot and Misty are coming to Skopje end of August and will stay through the winter with us, great encouragement and refreshment. This is the couple that we met this May on 24-7 Big Conversation in Belgrade who left their comfort to serve the Lord.
I’m challenged as time approach for me to leave my job, so that I may be totally free to serve the Lord, but now I’m also totally dependent on Him for provision. I have this inner green light that I’m doing the right thing and I know that He will provide, it’s interesting to see how He will do it. Adventure, adventure we cry, so here it is, ha ha...
There is also a challenge as we are going to be sent this September to plant new congregation.
I’m full with expectation about this and there is boiling creativity inside of me that waits to be unleashed.

So Lord be with us as we sail this uncharted seas
Grant us strength to fight the monsters
For we know there is far more behind the horizon
We can’t loose anything for in You we have gained everything

Soli Deo Gloria

"24-7 Prayer" mission team blog

This blog will inform you about what's going on from friday in Ohrid, where togeather with 24-7 will bring God's love and hope to this fallen world.
Lord Jesus, walk with us.

Some of my art

IIIII DA VIDIME, MISTERIOZNATA LICNOST E?!!

Sonja dobivas cokolado od mene, Vesna zatoa sto prva pogodi so plus nekolku dodavanja, no ke i prostime daleku zivee pa ne zaboravila kako izgledame, Vesna i tebe te ceka edno cokolado koga ke dojdes, Tina izvini ama po se izgleda ne sum jas, ama pa zosto ubavo mi dojde , nesto kako kompliment, ke ti kupam edno i na tebe:)))

New “Glasnost” flyer

This is the flyer for the mission in Ohrid this month with 24-7 guys.

Question:
Who’s the guy with the megaphone?

The one who answers first gets Milka from me!

Viva la revolution

These days I discovered several cool sites. One of them is vivalarevolution ,page of a church pastored by Jay Bakker (on the picture above), believe it or not, son of famous Jim Bakker. I like what they are doing down in Atlanta’s “Little five points”. Two years ago while I was in America I visited a friend of mine, with whom I use to skateboard and we were in the same high school. He went in America to study and now he is professor there and lives in “little five points”. It’s a place where everywhere you turn you think like you are on some concert, lots of tattooed people. I enjoyed sitting in the bars through the day and drinking beer, watching so many styles in one place. Also there is a cool place called “Flat Iron” where we listened on a jukebox some of the bands that we grew up with, like Iron Maiden and Nirvana.

Second love

Yes Belgrade is my second love, off course Skopje is the first.
Through the weekend I went in Belgrade for a second time in two weeks.
First time I went for the 24-7 “Big conversation” conference which was great and I’m sorry I didn’t put my impressions on the blog; I was a little bit lazy. But this time I felt connected with 24-7 like never before, and with my gaze in the future( which I always do, that’s why many times I look like I’m not here when people are around me, ok partly, partly because I’m introvert, so what’s wrong with introvercy,a a) I said yeah that’s the future of Christianity, people without name or fame , don’t worried about their career,position or how they look like,sacrificing everything they have. I’m sorry but building your own life here on earth will not produce too much fruit for the life next to come. On the way home I got the idea to write the book about everything I have in my heart concerning God and my generation, first I came with the name “Misfits of God”, so we’ll see, probably will be ready till 2010 :))
This time I went with Tommie Naumann, and it’s always good to be around him, you learn so much, mostly how to be human and still be sold for Jesus 100 %.
We were speaking at the bible school on evangelism and at Radovan’s church, I enjoy it.
I spent some time with Igor, guy from this church, and with some beers we shared our dreams about emerging churches, first in “Akademija” place where most of the hardcore, punk bands play and then in an club“Bitef theater” that is in a old church building, it was cool to see how they turned this place in a very nice night club. My plans to see some of the best tattoo artist in the area went futile because they all had their boots on Erotic fair that was going on in that time, and all I wanted was interview for my half sleeve tattoo plans.
Ok all in all great time.

The Servant

Everyone who is a leader, is called to be or wants to be, check this out.
I just swallowed this book, it’s of those books that can change lives.
It is called The Servant and is a true story of a general manager that has everything in his life , beautiful woman, two kids, money for rest of his life but something’s wrong inside of him. By the advice of his wife and his pastor he went for a retreat to a Benedictine monastery where he finds out that the teacher of the leadership classes is an old monk who was one of the best businessmen in America before he went to a monastery.
I will leave the pleasure to read it by your self, I’m just throwing the bug, this book contains one of the best insights on servant leadership that I have heard.

Death to Tyrants tour

Together with an old friend of mine I went to a show to see Sick of it All. Among Agnostic Front and Mad Ball they are true legends of the New York hardcore scene. It is a rarity band like this to come to Macedonia, and what’s interesting is that I saw all the people that I haven’t seen for ages, they seem they are not getting old, probably it’s the lifestyle:)
Oh man it’s good feeling to see all those 30 something people doing stage diving and moshpit, I felt young again. There was a point where the whole crowd split in two parts and we should clash on the moment song starts playing. I was drinking my beer and the blood starts boiling like 13 years ago, so they hit on the music, I throw my beer in the air and the next moment was among the crowd slamming, moshing, kicking everybody that was around (and off course they hit me in return). Yes I had fun. The music was great, especially I liked the approach of the band, many times hardcore bands know to act some attitude on the stage, like we are the bad guys, which was not the case with the front man of SOIA. It was very positive and friendly. There was a song called Sanctuary and what the vocalist said between the songs that he really likes the cross that is up on the mount Vodno that made me thinking that maybe he has found his faith in God.
All in all great party

" Sanctuary "

This is for the one who saved me
accepts me for who i am, just me
and always gives back tenfold whatever i give
Respect was never ever questioned, every feeling reciprocated
mutual ideals and passion straight from the soul, from my soul
When i'm safely in your arms there i find my sanctuary
help me weather every storm, you're my sanctuary, my true love
There are those who tried to use you
even ones who would abuse you
they never took the time to see what i see
how you're always waiting for me kept me sane while all was crazy
and so i give you what's dearest to me
My true love the very first time you touched my soul
from that day on never want to let you go

Ink under the skin

Deano Cook is a tattoo artist that I admire, he is in a real sense an artist. Being myself for five years in this busyness and than quitting I have seen things that have genuine artistic value and some stuff that are really stupid. The thing I don’t like in tattooing is that in many cases people make them just out of fashion, there is so much copycats of tattoos, and many times you don’t see something new. What is interesting with Deano is that he declares himself as Christian. He is one of the famous world class tattoo artist and he said that when he got his children he found his faith in God. On the question how he feels in a mostly anti-God and antichristian environment he said that it really saddens his heart when he see some kids with satanic tattoos. I don’t think tattoos are good or bad but that there is a gray area and it depends on the individual. I would like to have your comments on this and see how you think, expect that I will comment too and I’m open for a free thinking atmosphere.

Jammiiiin'

We had cool jam session this Saturday, after Alek sang some Johnny Cash songs (Solitary man, I won’t back down and Hurt) we have switched to some kind of spontaneous jazzy- like Byzantine sound. I think it was cool besides that we didn’t have some special inspiration, all in all it was good that we had filled our coffee bar “Glasnost” that usually was empty in Saturdays.

Pure Hardcore!!!

Time flies like crazy, it has been for a month that I have been silent on my blog, but as ancients use to say silence is gold :) I have two reasons to be happy. First is that yesterday on our rehearsal in the garage (by the way I play drums in a band called “Vanity Fair” it is kind of art rock, metal fusion, dark, pop something:))) so I do some screams as back vocals and this kind of frustrating me because I hear all the time about screaming from the diaphragm but I tried so many times and is more throat than anything else, but yesterday, that was something... I was sitting by the drums and experimenting with my voice and said, well lets try on the microphone, and what followed made me smile like when first time have landed Ollie on my skateboard, Max Cavalera can be my student( just kidding). Other reason to rejoice is that I was invited to a Freakstock , on a leadership roundtable, I’m so happy about this, I feel like God is connecting us with this guys and it would be great to strengthen the bonds of friendship and meet new friends. Please pray that God will provide for this trip.
Dedicado a Deus, God Bless

Nemam zborovi

I'm so proud at my friend Alek a.k.a."Urban mystic" for writing this poem that i must publish it. I think he is so prophetically to the point with this poem that i stand in sheer amazement. Enjoy!!!

COSMIC FIGHT FOR THE URBAN YOUTH

Urban youth. Urban myth. Urban split.
Split and destroy! Make it nice before it dies.
Yes baby, it's all about you. You!
Your dreams, Your life. (For the birds meat to eat.)

Dark shades, voices unseen, keep you blind,
and more, more, give me more of this stuff, you cry.
More of this "nothingness", more to fill the the void screaming.

To kill my pain, I close my eyes, I writhe in shame.
Oh, Lord, Oh, Something, the good cries in me.
I won't give up, "Love" I say, "Love" I say.
Kneel! Kneel! Fall! Quick! For a dark blast,
a black wrath is moving angry and furious.
Fall now! Fall and be quiet…quiet…quiet.

I lie with my face on the ground and look!
Water, red water, bloody water is running all around me.
Lift your head now and see! See where this water flows from and run!
Run now and don’t turn back. Run as fast as you can!
As I run, I feel warm inside. Something will happen, that I know.

I came to the source, just three words, Mercy cover me

Aleksandar "Urban Mystic" Madzarovski

Bigger than ourselves

Me and four other friends went this weekend to a leadership retreat. Our plan was to plan and seek the Lord for the future of “Glasnost”, the church that we are starting together with around 30 young people. It was a good time, a little bit less spontaneous than I expected but there are times when we need to be practical, and put some legs to our dreams. The thing that really touched me while we were praying was that I realized that all we do and dream is bigger than ourselves as individuals, we can’t take credit about what’s going on, for it is inspired by the Lord himself, he has prepared the hearts of the people to respond to the vision, and he is giving us enthusiasm to go for it. I have growing sense in my heart that this year we’ll experience significant breakthrough and see The Kingdom expand in the youth culture, and I don’t think it’s hype but a real thing.

Head's prayer

My Prayer

Dear Friends,

my prayer has begun
With the rising of the Son
And I know that I did what I should have done
My heart feels happy, my feet feel light
I am now ready to join in the fight

I refuse to sit, locked up in a pew
When I have been given something to do
Too long we have let the answer sit still
As our enemy strikes his sword to kill

I stand up from my pew, my heart is sure
I yell out, "somebody open the door!"
I hope I've made you see, at least I tried
My question is, "why just sit here 'till we die?"
...Why just sit here 'till we die?

Some may ask, "who has this person become?"
I am a divine reflection of His son
I am a man with a cross on his chest
Until His will is done, I will not rest

I am not in a box, or stuck in the past
Remember that "the first will be the last"
In Greek "X" means truth
And Generation X has grown out of youth

All we want to see is reality TV
The Truth is what we are dying to be
But they crucify His move with each generation
And we have to build up the motivation

It happened once, but it won't happen twice
I pray this prayer as a soldier for Christ

Brian "Head" Welch

Some months ago the biggest news in the music scene was that the guitarist of Korn left the band and gave his life to Jesus.
I just discovered his web page , and must tell you i was so happy, someone from the band that i grew up became a hard core follower of Christ and being born again just for a year he is so edgy in the way he follows Jesus. Man it's so great!!

You can read his story here

Hollow people ?!

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw, Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats’ feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralyzed force, gesture without motion;

—T.S. Eliot

These lines are haunting. Can you hear the voices of mankind whispering into the wind? Can you feel the sense of waste from knowing that our voices somehow do not make it past our own lips, rendering our words meaningless?
read more

Hey man listen to me now i'm on the radio....

Lately System of a Down is the only thing that I listen in my car. In the beginning I didn’t pay much attention until this summer when Micah (Erin’s brother) played some of their songs from “mesmerized” in his truck. I was so amazed of their creativity, it was the craziest and yet the best made harmony of styles and melodies. I was listening to this album over and over again until “hypnotize” came out and put the former one in to a shadow, they have done an excellent job. O.k. some of their lyrics sucks I know, but I haven’t heard so good convergence of music yet. If you like some heavy stuff that has emo elements and funny singing that will make you feel like you are Pavarotti in your car than this is for you :)

Poetry

INSIDE-OUT

The origami nooks and folds
of thoughts pushed down inside,
pockets deep and intricate
where mazes often hide,
and grow,
and bend,
and twist,
and crease,
and wait upon the day
when all the things we never tell ourselves come out to play.
Eve Pekkala
some cool poetry

Where we would be if Ethiopians didn't found those beans called Kafe

Finally we have opened our coffee shop. We were around 30 people this Sunday and everyone brought his cup for coffee with one goal in their minds---- to win the best cup competition, good way to get free cups for the coffee shop, ha ha
Alek was real M.C while was leading the competition.
I have just checked one website that I saw on my friend submoten’s blog, it’s www.jpusa.org and they are 500 people living together in a Christian community, thing that was always attracting to me, I like this kind of communities and would like to see something similar in future born from our emerging church “Glasnost”. On this you can check also something that came out of 24-7 prayer movement called boiler rooms . I can sense that if I start to write about communal living I would go without sleep, so I would leave it for some other time, o.k?

X games

Yesterday was a funny day. Me and some mount bikers went to the ski resort that is 80 km from Skopje, we didn’t went to ski but to do down hills with our bikes on the snow. It was crazy, one guy measured the speed and he was going 63 km per hour, and the control over your bike is totally unpredictable. We also found one jump ramp made for snowboarders and jumped from there. It makes your adrenaline level very high but nothing can compare with the feeling when you are in the air. We draw attention to one national TV, they made interview with us and this week we are in the program. The scariest thing was when we went on a extreme steep place where after some driving your bike starts to slide totally without control, there was a point where I was sliding together with my bike, but this time it was opposite, I was on my back and the bike was over me, you know what I mean (hatori hanzo) :)))

Heaven touching Earth

Tomorrow is Christmas according to Eastern Christianity and tonight we gather with our families for a meal that doesn’t contain meat. It’s a good time to slow down our busy and stressful lives in a warm atmosphere. While I was seating with my mom and grandmother and laughing at some points of our lives I was watching TV and there were some Macedonian ethno songs about coming of Christ to our world and was thinking how much we miss this kind of worship in our churches, something that is so close to my people. We were talking many times with my friend Alek about how we are touched in our soul whenever we are on a wedding party and we listen to our ethno music, it make your blood boil and you can’t just sit and watch, you must dance with all of your might and shout loud noises.
Right now there is a liturgy going on in some Russian Orthodox church, on which 11 centuries ago when King Nikolai visited the biggest church in that time in Constantinople and was attending a liturgy, said” It is like heaven touching earth” Even though I don’t agree with some of the doctrines of the eastern Christianity I cannot say that I’m not attracted by those glorious sounds that have this eternal flavor. My dream is that one day there will be an real revival in Macedonia, and that thousands will gather in a church built in a stile of Star Wars architecture, tall pillars inside, painted by the Holy Spirit inspired artists, and with the worship music that is a mix of new and old, creating a eternal dimension, choirs singing with angelic voices and techno beats going on with lasers going on, combined with the Glorious presence of God. What else can man do but crying out loud” Take me to your Glory, aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh”

No Control

No, I’m not planning to write about Bad Religion song ‘no control”, I have lost the respect for them when I start understanding the kingdom of God… I was laying in my bed some hours before New Year eve and was waiting for my friend Chopi to come and start a bottle of Jack Daniel’s (my favorite drink) and suddenly I started a reflection on the year that was passing. Man, many things has happened, many thing that I planned and many unplanned, hopes and dreams, some pass by some not, some brought me joy, some still hurts, Many times when I reflect upon my life I’m in sheer amazement, how come that a drug addict as I was some six years ago, was saved by Jesus, healed from hepatitis “C” has traveled half of the world (o.k. at least some countries), met so many friends, how come that I am what I am today. Ok back to the last year. If I can say what marked 2005 was that on the very beginning of the year I started e-mailing with a beautiful blond girl from the States called Erin and after a while we were writing every week. It was special relationship, both of us just said hi some years ago and no one of us hoped that I will stay in her home two years later and I will be drawn to her by a picture that was hanging on the wall of her parents' house. So mails were our love language and we haven’t met yet, but we made a plan that we will meet in Belgrade in May. In meantime I was praying a lot with the special element “your will, not mine”, this was my secure ground, for I knew that God means best for me. And May came, we met and we fell in love immediately, we had a crazy night on my balcony, I never had a girlfriend that sings while she kiss. So we had the ultimate romance, walking in Belgrade, kissing, sitting at the Kale Megdan and watching how the rivers Danube and Sava converge, talking about the future while the time has stopped, with the ever present sweetness in our souls, we have found each other, the missing link, the bone of my flesh. We spent the last night in a Latino bar, drinking beer, laughing at the idea Erin had that beer is made out of peanuts, and my heart was beating so hard on the idea to ask her to be my wife that same night--- the only thing holding me back was probably that it is not appropriate to ask a girl to be your wife just after week together, instead I said “ Erin what you will say if I come in December to America and ask you to be my wife?” on that she smiled with an awesome smile and said” you have to wait until then and get the answer” than with the love heat in my heart I asked her is she going to wait on me, on which she made her beautiful sound ” aaah, Alpin you don’t understand” and with the words in her eyes whispering” I have found the man that I was waiting for so long” . Then we spent some hours in my car, talking and loving each other, feeling like we know each other for ages. Finally we went home next morning, she in Lyons, Georgia with my leather necklace in her arm and tears in her eyes, me in Skopje Macedonia, with her leather-dove necklace, gold earrings and firm conviction that she is the one. Now there were thousand miles and seven months separating us until we meet again. I couldn’t wait, the days that were passing were miserable without her, on the other side of the ocean she was just watching in the sky calling my name; we were desperate for each other. Than I booked plane tickets get the visa and went there just a month after we met, but this time there was small box in my bag holding engagement ring. We had great nights sitting in her yard, drinking Jack and Coke, under the humid Georgian sky, but then everything went in some stupid direction. Her parents start pressuring us to decide what are we going to do for the future, and being with strong family ties they expected that I will move there, on the other hand I had strong conviction from God that I’m called for Macedonia, I mean the situation in Macedonia sucks and it is a hard life down here, but what if all of us escape, who will bring hope to this nation. So the fights begun, communication was getting worse and worse, both of us strong characters, not easy I tell you. Then one day I said” Ok this will not work out, after I finish the dread locks that I was doing to one guy, I’m leaving” Her heart was broken, mine broke when I realized how much I love her. We were both suffering, but I couldn’t move to America and she couldn’t move to Macedonia, the only way was to break the relationship. The days that followed were pure hell, I moved to another house near theirs, she went to Texas for several days. Than her sister worked out a little bit for us and we spoke on the phone saying that we love each other, so she came back from Texas and in meantime I was experiencing America through the lenses of pain, I would walk on the road in the heat of the day, I would seat in the forest by the pond, ride the four wheeler at the meadows trying to imagine my self there, I would light I cigarette hoping that pain will leave, but it was there down in my soul, just increasing on every thought on her. We were together again, but the magic was gone, we knew we had a situation we cannot resolve, but trying to ignore that brutal reality. The time for me to leave came. I came back in Macedonia with my soul scarred like with a hot iron. I couldn’t regain my life again, from time to time I would ride my mount bike to the woods, thing that I was doing so often. Two months passed and I phoned her and get the “I don’t love you anymore” thing. Another blow, left me without strength, everything that I could do is to trust God for my life, then I wrote the “ ruthless trust” song and the verse “ even though you kill me I will trust you again” What followed were months of depression, pain, emotional dreams dreaming Erin and her house, crazy times. So here I am again, rising again, trusting God again, laying in my bad reflecting the times, some memories were healed and don’t hurt anymore, and if you ask me am I going to fall in love again? Yes I will. Do I believe in love? Oh, yes I do, I refuse to become cynic or a chauvinistic bustard. I just realize I don’t have a control over my life, and the funny thing is that no matter how scary that is, I like it. Once my friend and mentor Tommie Naumann asked me “ do you know what is the secret of life free of boredom and full of adventure” I said out of nowhere” to loose control over your life” he smiled and said, you are right” TO LOOSE THE CONTROL….