Nemam zborovi

I'm so proud at my friend Alek a.k.a."Urban mystic" for writing this poem that i must publish it. I think he is so prophetically to the point with this poem that i stand in sheer amazement. Enjoy!!!

COSMIC FIGHT FOR THE URBAN YOUTH

Urban youth. Urban myth. Urban split.
Split and destroy! Make it nice before it dies.
Yes baby, it's all about you. You!
Your dreams, Your life. (For the birds meat to eat.)

Dark shades, voices unseen, keep you blind,
and more, more, give me more of this stuff, you cry.
More of this "nothingness", more to fill the the void screaming.

To kill my pain, I close my eyes, I writhe in shame.
Oh, Lord, Oh, Something, the good cries in me.
I won't give up, "Love" I say, "Love" I say.
Kneel! Kneel! Fall! Quick! For a dark blast,
a black wrath is moving angry and furious.
Fall now! Fall and be quiet…quiet…quiet.

I lie with my face on the ground and look!
Water, red water, bloody water is running all around me.
Lift your head now and see! See where this water flows from and run!
Run now and don’t turn back. Run as fast as you can!
As I run, I feel warm inside. Something will happen, that I know.

I came to the source, just three words, Mercy cover me

Aleksandar "Urban Mystic" Madzarovski

Bigger than ourselves

Me and four other friends went this weekend to a leadership retreat. Our plan was to plan and seek the Lord for the future of “Glasnost”, the church that we are starting together with around 30 young people. It was a good time, a little bit less spontaneous than I expected but there are times when we need to be practical, and put some legs to our dreams. The thing that really touched me while we were praying was that I realized that all we do and dream is bigger than ourselves as individuals, we can’t take credit about what’s going on, for it is inspired by the Lord himself, he has prepared the hearts of the people to respond to the vision, and he is giving us enthusiasm to go for it. I have growing sense in my heart that this year we’ll experience significant breakthrough and see The Kingdom expand in the youth culture, and I don’t think it’s hype but a real thing.

Head's prayer

My Prayer

Dear Friends,

my prayer has begun
With the rising of the Son
And I know that I did what I should have done
My heart feels happy, my feet feel light
I am now ready to join in the fight

I refuse to sit, locked up in a pew
When I have been given something to do
Too long we have let the answer sit still
As our enemy strikes his sword to kill

I stand up from my pew, my heart is sure
I yell out, "somebody open the door!"
I hope I've made you see, at least I tried
My question is, "why just sit here 'till we die?"
...Why just sit here 'till we die?

Some may ask, "who has this person become?"
I am a divine reflection of His son
I am a man with a cross on his chest
Until His will is done, I will not rest

I am not in a box, or stuck in the past
Remember that "the first will be the last"
In Greek "X" means truth
And Generation X has grown out of youth

All we want to see is reality TV
The Truth is what we are dying to be
But they crucify His move with each generation
And we have to build up the motivation

It happened once, but it won't happen twice
I pray this prayer as a soldier for Christ

Brian "Head" Welch

Some months ago the biggest news in the music scene was that the guitarist of Korn left the band and gave his life to Jesus.
I just discovered his web page , and must tell you i was so happy, someone from the band that i grew up became a hard core follower of Christ and being born again just for a year he is so edgy in the way he follows Jesus. Man it's so great!!

You can read his story here

Hollow people ?!

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw, Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats’ feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralyzed force, gesture without motion;

—T.S. Eliot

These lines are haunting. Can you hear the voices of mankind whispering into the wind? Can you feel the sense of waste from knowing that our voices somehow do not make it past our own lips, rendering our words meaningless?
read more

Hey man listen to me now i'm on the radio....

Lately System of a Down is the only thing that I listen in my car. In the beginning I didn’t pay much attention until this summer when Micah (Erin’s brother) played some of their songs from “mesmerized” in his truck. I was so amazed of their creativity, it was the craziest and yet the best made harmony of styles and melodies. I was listening to this album over and over again until “hypnotize” came out and put the former one in to a shadow, they have done an excellent job. O.k. some of their lyrics sucks I know, but I haven’t heard so good convergence of music yet. If you like some heavy stuff that has emo elements and funny singing that will make you feel like you are Pavarotti in your car than this is for you :)

Poetry

INSIDE-OUT

The origami nooks and folds
of thoughts pushed down inside,
pockets deep and intricate
where mazes often hide,
and grow,
and bend,
and twist,
and crease,
and wait upon the day
when all the things we never tell ourselves come out to play.
Eve Pekkala
some cool poetry

Where we would be if Ethiopians didn't found those beans called Kafe

Finally we have opened our coffee shop. We were around 30 people this Sunday and everyone brought his cup for coffee with one goal in their minds---- to win the best cup competition, good way to get free cups for the coffee shop, ha ha
Alek was real M.C while was leading the competition.
I have just checked one website that I saw on my friend submoten’s blog, it’s www.jpusa.org and they are 500 people living together in a Christian community, thing that was always attracting to me, I like this kind of communities and would like to see something similar in future born from our emerging church “Glasnost”. On this you can check also something that came out of 24-7 prayer movement called boiler rooms . I can sense that if I start to write about communal living I would go without sleep, so I would leave it for some other time, o.k?

X games

Yesterday was a funny day. Me and some mount bikers went to the ski resort that is 80 km from Skopje, we didn’t went to ski but to do down hills with our bikes on the snow. It was crazy, one guy measured the speed and he was going 63 km per hour, and the control over your bike is totally unpredictable. We also found one jump ramp made for snowboarders and jumped from there. It makes your adrenaline level very high but nothing can compare with the feeling when you are in the air. We draw attention to one national TV, they made interview with us and this week we are in the program. The scariest thing was when we went on a extreme steep place where after some driving your bike starts to slide totally without control, there was a point where I was sliding together with my bike, but this time it was opposite, I was on my back and the bike was over me, you know what I mean (hatori hanzo) :)))

Heaven touching Earth

Tomorrow is Christmas according to Eastern Christianity and tonight we gather with our families for a meal that doesn’t contain meat. It’s a good time to slow down our busy and stressful lives in a warm atmosphere. While I was seating with my mom and grandmother and laughing at some points of our lives I was watching TV and there were some Macedonian ethno songs about coming of Christ to our world and was thinking how much we miss this kind of worship in our churches, something that is so close to my people. We were talking many times with my friend Alek about how we are touched in our soul whenever we are on a wedding party and we listen to our ethno music, it make your blood boil and you can’t just sit and watch, you must dance with all of your might and shout loud noises.
Right now there is a liturgy going on in some Russian Orthodox church, on which 11 centuries ago when King Nikolai visited the biggest church in that time in Constantinople and was attending a liturgy, said” It is like heaven touching earth” Even though I don’t agree with some of the doctrines of the eastern Christianity I cannot say that I’m not attracted by those glorious sounds that have this eternal flavor. My dream is that one day there will be an real revival in Macedonia, and that thousands will gather in a church built in a stile of Star Wars architecture, tall pillars inside, painted by the Holy Spirit inspired artists, and with the worship music that is a mix of new and old, creating a eternal dimension, choirs singing with angelic voices and techno beats going on with lasers going on, combined with the Glorious presence of God. What else can man do but crying out loud” Take me to your Glory, aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh”

No Control

No, I’m not planning to write about Bad Religion song ‘no control”, I have lost the respect for them when I start understanding the kingdom of God… I was laying in my bed some hours before New Year eve and was waiting for my friend Chopi to come and start a bottle of Jack Daniel’s (my favorite drink) and suddenly I started a reflection on the year that was passing. Man, many things has happened, many thing that I planned and many unplanned, hopes and dreams, some pass by some not, some brought me joy, some still hurts, Many times when I reflect upon my life I’m in sheer amazement, how come that a drug addict as I was some six years ago, was saved by Jesus, healed from hepatitis “C” has traveled half of the world (o.k. at least some countries), met so many friends, how come that I am what I am today. Ok back to the last year. If I can say what marked 2005 was that on the very beginning of the year I started e-mailing with a beautiful blond girl from the States called Erin and after a while we were writing every week. It was special relationship, both of us just said hi some years ago and no one of us hoped that I will stay in her home two years later and I will be drawn to her by a picture that was hanging on the wall of her parents' house. So mails were our love language and we haven’t met yet, but we made a plan that we will meet in Belgrade in May. In meantime I was praying a lot with the special element “your will, not mine”, this was my secure ground, for I knew that God means best for me. And May came, we met and we fell in love immediately, we had a crazy night on my balcony, I never had a girlfriend that sings while she kiss. So we had the ultimate romance, walking in Belgrade, kissing, sitting at the Kale Megdan and watching how the rivers Danube and Sava converge, talking about the future while the time has stopped, with the ever present sweetness in our souls, we have found each other, the missing link, the bone of my flesh. We spent the last night in a Latino bar, drinking beer, laughing at the idea Erin had that beer is made out of peanuts, and my heart was beating so hard on the idea to ask her to be my wife that same night--- the only thing holding me back was probably that it is not appropriate to ask a girl to be your wife just after week together, instead I said “ Erin what you will say if I come in December to America and ask you to be my wife?” on that she smiled with an awesome smile and said” you have to wait until then and get the answer” than with the love heat in my heart I asked her is she going to wait on me, on which she made her beautiful sound ” aaah, Alpin you don’t understand” and with the words in her eyes whispering” I have found the man that I was waiting for so long” . Then we spent some hours in my car, talking and loving each other, feeling like we know each other for ages. Finally we went home next morning, she in Lyons, Georgia with my leather necklace in her arm and tears in her eyes, me in Skopje Macedonia, with her leather-dove necklace, gold earrings and firm conviction that she is the one. Now there were thousand miles and seven months separating us until we meet again. I couldn’t wait, the days that were passing were miserable without her, on the other side of the ocean she was just watching in the sky calling my name; we were desperate for each other. Than I booked plane tickets get the visa and went there just a month after we met, but this time there was small box in my bag holding engagement ring. We had great nights sitting in her yard, drinking Jack and Coke, under the humid Georgian sky, but then everything went in some stupid direction. Her parents start pressuring us to decide what are we going to do for the future, and being with strong family ties they expected that I will move there, on the other hand I had strong conviction from God that I’m called for Macedonia, I mean the situation in Macedonia sucks and it is a hard life down here, but what if all of us escape, who will bring hope to this nation. So the fights begun, communication was getting worse and worse, both of us strong characters, not easy I tell you. Then one day I said” Ok this will not work out, after I finish the dread locks that I was doing to one guy, I’m leaving” Her heart was broken, mine broke when I realized how much I love her. We were both suffering, but I couldn’t move to America and she couldn’t move to Macedonia, the only way was to break the relationship. The days that followed were pure hell, I moved to another house near theirs, she went to Texas for several days. Than her sister worked out a little bit for us and we spoke on the phone saying that we love each other, so she came back from Texas and in meantime I was experiencing America through the lenses of pain, I would walk on the road in the heat of the day, I would seat in the forest by the pond, ride the four wheeler at the meadows trying to imagine my self there, I would light I cigarette hoping that pain will leave, but it was there down in my soul, just increasing on every thought on her. We were together again, but the magic was gone, we knew we had a situation we cannot resolve, but trying to ignore that brutal reality. The time for me to leave came. I came back in Macedonia with my soul scarred like with a hot iron. I couldn’t regain my life again, from time to time I would ride my mount bike to the woods, thing that I was doing so often. Two months passed and I phoned her and get the “I don’t love you anymore” thing. Another blow, left me without strength, everything that I could do is to trust God for my life, then I wrote the “ ruthless trust” song and the verse “ even though you kill me I will trust you again” What followed were months of depression, pain, emotional dreams dreaming Erin and her house, crazy times. So here I am again, rising again, trusting God again, laying in my bad reflecting the times, some memories were healed and don’t hurt anymore, and if you ask me am I going to fall in love again? Yes I will. Do I believe in love? Oh, yes I do, I refuse to become cynic or a chauvinistic bustard. I just realize I don’t have a control over my life, and the funny thing is that no matter how scary that is, I like it. Once my friend and mentor Tommie Naumann asked me “ do you know what is the secret of life free of boredom and full of adventure” I said out of nowhere” to loose control over your life” he smiled and said, you are right” TO LOOSE THE CONTROL….

Beauty and the Beast

Yesterday I watched long awaited King Kong movie. I was so much in expectance because I grew up with this kind of movies. I can say, Peter Jackson did awesome job, I liked how he developed the whole story, not just King Kong jumping out of nowhere, the photography was par excellence, even though the movie was in color it didn’t lost the magic of the black and white movies, and the screams of Naomi Watts were so true to the original monster-beauty types. I especially liked the relation between what we call beast and humanity, Peter made excellent job portraying who is who. The beast full of passion and simplicity in contrast to greedy humanity hungry for money and easy entertainment. Man, the fight between Kong and the T-Rex, wow, it was display of pure brutal force, you know that he is superior, and most exiting you don’t have to tell that to him, he simply knows who’s the king, ADRENALINE, I was eating my pop-corns like a machine. And Peter probably understands that there is too much sex in Hollywood movies, so he again as in the LOTR show us the power of the platonic love, which we nova days have forgotten, and brought us in the world where love means to protect, fight for and even die for. Bravo Maestro.
“Planes didn’t killed him, it was the beauty that killed the beast”

church activity vs. heart of the gospel, english version

This is a big theme for thinking which takes other themes with her self! But I will start from somewhere. These days I was thinking on social justice, about how to go and practically do the things that Jesus says in the gospels. For those who read the gospel know that the preaching of Jesus was about making peace between man and God, beginning with every individual who will show before the face of God and be responsible for his life. The core of what Jesus did was total transformation of human heart, which is deepest in one man ,from where whole our life is coming from, everything that we ARE. People today are wearing all the different masks just to hide what is beneath, but like every lottery leaflet you will see what’s beneath if you scratch the golden surface, off course if you follow the instructions SCRATCH HERE! But what Jesus did was total transformation inside out and he made one new breed that is light in this dark world that is becoming more PRO-DEATH then PRO-LIFE. But here we face our difficulties. This new breed to whom I belong too, made for them selves their own places for gatherings, bunch of spiritualized programs, seminars and conferences which are not bad in them selves and those who made them were thinking the best, and in case you understand me wrong I’m also in position to make all this programs or what ever they are. So everything that I’m writing now will not have sense if the week had 30 days, but because this is not the case (as I know), my friends, where we will find all that time to live what we are created for, to be light in the world, comfort to those who weep, food for the hungry, shelter to the homeless, to be the word of truth in the world that is going so incredibly astray. I’m not talking only for social justice but lots of other things. How can somebody find himself as individual if he is constantly pressured by the masses dictating the music of his dance? What if somebody is really talented as an artist, where he will find time in all those activities to sit and wait on inspiration and do his art. There are lots of things that I can write right now but I would like to have your comments. Thanx

wannabe rock star

My friend Urban Mystic told about this option so you will know who am i

SKATE OR DIE

I just came back from the mountain near my hometown where I go for biking, and while I was ascending one road sign drew my attention, it was written “ Skaters on the road”.
It is obvious for everyone that sees this sign that it is hand made, nailed on the electricity pillar by some idealistic kids. Well, my memory goes back 16 years, how me and one friend of mine who made this sign came there on the exact place with hammer and nails and nailed that sign, after that we went to the middle of the mountain and downhill with our skateboards .It was a time of excitement and joy, doing something that no one has done before, it was 1989 and my country was still in the communistic era, West was waiting patiently in front of our doors, skateboarding was viewed like something that kids do, something they do for several months until they discovering some new toy. Then we grew, but our passion didn’t wither and we became one band of skateboarders from all around the city joined by one goal, LETS SKATE. We became public spectacle wearing baggy pants when no one even saw those things, they laughed at us saying that we have shitted in our pants, we were dirty because we were all the time on the streets, but we didn’t cared, we just wanted to skate and have fun. Everywhere we went we were spreading our passion, we were waking, talking 24-7, 365 Skate or Die, we influenced our generation with our sub-culture lifestyle. Later I became tattoo artist and develop the scene in the town, some others pioneered something else and we were on TV, newspapers all the time. So this is not nostalgia for some lost time, no, but while I was biking today I was thinking if I was so brave for Christ, letting passion for him overpower me, instead of being so picky about my words to my neighbors, friends and those I meet on daily basis, and let my passion speak from me, not ashamed to be public spectacle, together with my band of God lovers can leave stamp on our generation, changing cultures and mindsets, more important changing lives, and after many many years like that road sign that stood the test of time we can see our work and pass into eternity with smile on our faces.

Prkos ?

For the beginning let me explain what prkos means

Prkos?

Prkos is when you refuse to bow your knees to none and nothing except Lord Jesus Christ
Prkos is when you go against the whole world system and in the same time you are living whole new system of values
Prkos is when you don’t allow people label you
Prkos is when you live what you are created for
Prkos is when they crush you and get you down and you rise again
To have destiny is Prkos
That’s why my friends lets prkos this world and journey to our destiny
C’MON

Englishman in New York

Ok, so the world has become one big village and eventually the language of this village is English, even though i’m angry to the village chief why he chose this language because it adds complications to my expressing everything i can do is just to submit to the village rules if i want to be understood by my distant neighbors… so i guess you will hear more from me
Sincerely yours
Village priest

church activity vs. heart of the gospel

Golema tema za razmisluvanje koja sto povlekuva mnogu drugi zaedno so sebe! Ama sepak ke pocnam od nekade. Denovive razmisluvav na socialna pravda, na toa kako e da se odi i na delo da se pravi ona sto evangelieto ili Isus go propoveda. Za onie koi znaat ili koi gi citale evengelijata propovedanjeto na Isus se sostoese vo izmiruvanje na covestvoto so Bog, zapocnuvajki od sekoj poedinec kako individua koja ke zastane pred Bog i ke odgovara za svojot zivot. Srzta na ona sto Isus go napravi bese tatalno preobrazuvanje na coveckoto srce , ona sto e najdlaboko vo covekot od kade sto proizleguva celiot nas zivot , seto ona sto nie SME. Denes lugjeto vesto se prikrivaat so razni maski za da ne se vidi ona sto go ima ispod povrsinata , no kako i sekoja srecka otkako ke zagrebes ke vidis sto ima ispod zlatnata boja, se razbira ako vnimatelno gi sledis instrukciite od tipot, TUKA GREBI! No sto Isus napravi e sto celosno ne preobrazi od vnatre nadvor, i napravi eden poseben narod koj treba da e svetlina vo ovoj temen svet koj e se poveke PRO-DEATH otkolku PRO-LIFE. E sega tuka e makata ili kako sto vikaat u tom grmu lezi zec! Ovoj narod od koi sum i jas samiot si napravi svoi mesta na sobiranje, eden kup duhovizirani programi, seminari i konferencii koi sami po sebe ne se losi i onie koi gi postavile mislele se najdobro,a za da ne me razberete deka sum preterano kriticen ke kazam deka i jas samiot sum vo pozicija da gi postavuvam site tie programi i sto i da se. E sega ne bi imale nikakov problem i seto ova sto go pisuvam ke bese bezvrska ako nedelata imase 30 dena, ama posto nema (kolku jas sto znam,mozebi sum old fashion) pa kade bre lugje da najdeme vreme da go ziveeme ona za sto sme sozdadeni,da bideme svetlina vo svetot ,uteha na natazenite, hrana na gladnite, toplina na bezdomnite,da se bide zbor na vistina vo svet koj ne e mozno da tolku zastranil sto samo tone i tone. Tuka ne stanuva zbor samo za socijalna pravda tuku i za red drugi raboti. Kako covek da se pronajde kako indivudalec ako celo vreme e pritisnat od masata, da ovoj igra na muzikata koja tie ja svirat. Sto ako nekoj e navistina talentiran za umetnik, kade bi nasol vreme so site tie aktivnosti da sedne ceka na inspiracija i tvori. Dodeka go pisuvam ova sega mi doagjaat nekoi odgovori ama so radost toa bi go ostavil na onie sto ke dadat komentar na ova. Uste mnogu misli mi letaat niz glava ama dosta e za pocetok

za pocetok

Dobredojdovte na mojot Blog.

Kako mza pocetok da kazam sto znaci za mene zborot prkos.

PRKOS?

Prkos e koga ne sakas da gi svitkas kolenata pred nikoj i nisto osven Gospod Isus Hristos
Prkos e koga mu odis kontra na celiot svetski sistem a vo isto vreme ppokazuvas eden cel nov sistem na vrednosti
Prkos e koga ne im dozvoluvas na lugjeto da te stavat vo sablon
Prkos e koga go zivees ona za sto si sozdaden
Prkos e koga ke te krsat i butkaat a ti povtorno stanuvas
Da se ima destiny e prkos
Zatoa ajde prijateli prkosnici da zaedno mu prkosime na ovoj svet i da se upatime kon nasata sudbina

AJDEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Zosto sme pobednici!